Bad Times

Well, time really zoom zoom past that fast! I was looking at my last posted blog... Oh my goodness, it went stopped at Mar '08.. I am suppose to keep it updated on what had happen in the months.. hahahaha... It seems either i am too lazy or i am too "hardworking" till i simply forget to write what took place... Well, 2008 has a year full of new changes, a new job in beginning of the year, getting adjust for the next few mths, then getting a new identity (from Miss to Mrs) hahaha..., to prepare for my customary... It all happened too fast, too quick. My last stop was regarding "SHE" checking out my background.. It's a total victory for me in terms of work, for we are totally friends or slightly better relationship than colleagues.. :) But she still 'take advantage' of my goodness, taking time-off, leave, mc as & when she wants to...

Challenges that i went through

Gee… My last post was in 2010… It’s 2012 now! Time really wee… flies… I left my ex-company (my comfortable environment) in Sep ‘2011 and joined the new place at end Sep on the same year. Did I mention that the interview was though short but an intensive one, the Advisor of the Division interviewed me, he was a fatherly figure whom if you don’t know him, would say he’s a fierce old man but getting to know him further, he’s really a sincere man. Looking back at what I have achieved for the past year in 2012, I was like “duh, what did I do for the past 6 months?” Haha.. Well, I would say I have at least learnt something which I was not given an opportunity back some years ago while I was with my ex-boss. He’s great but guess making changes in the working environment may not be a good thing for him, thus I was like there for almost 4 years, 3 years & 8 months to be exact (does that sounds familiar?) 

Life challenges are ever growing in my life, I would say. Having a new job, deal with changes in life, etc. My hubby had depression last August where his boss, let’s call her Ms I, based on his sharing.. Ms I didn’t realize that the problem is within her, staff under her started resigning. My hubby was one of the 4 whom resign with that month, poor he.. Having to “suffer” and “tolerate” her style of management pushes him to the negative side of his life. Really thank Gohonzon for the good fortune that he accumulated, if not, I think he may not be able to walk out of the depression mood.

Eventually, environment at work is expanding. People are growing in here and once again, the question of “is this my mission?” appears in my mind. Do I seek to expand my knowledge in work or do I choose to do something that I am comfortable with? Finding a job nowadays is not easy as you know, we probably have to fight with FT to get the same job and probably same or slightly lower pay, as being a boss, would you rather employ a true home breed folk or someone with a cheaper asking pay? Well, that is another question for bosses to think again.

Moving on, lately, I realized I have been dealing with quite some problems handling with teenagers. It was heart wrecking to see this young lady going through with anger management issue, parents quarreling with financial issue and young man having to juggle with his sister, parents’ quarrels, studies, etc. I want to help them but there is a limit as in what we can do to help the younger ones. For the adults, it’s totally out of control if the mother starts to “went mad”, for sure, this family needs to go the revolution to have a harmonious, united and happy family. Aside from this, I had problems talking to this lady, let’s name her L. I need to re-look into myself, as what she feedback, she said that I was damn serious. -_-“ do I sound that serious? Constantly, I need to re-look into my life mirror, I would keep asking myself am I am I?? I just hate this when I had to brave this head on, my fundamental darkness in life. Jia U! I had to discover myself before the end of this year. 

i hope i can plan for another long trip, Turkey was beautiful. We were there in late March this year....

Once again, i hope my next post won’t be years later…

Given a 2nd chance in life

I realized that i had stopped coming in since 2008. My 2009 was like a total missing in the air thingy. In fact, 2009 is a year where many changes took place. I had my customary in 2009, my leave buddy went for 3 odd months of maternity leave, 1 colleague who had been with us for 14 years left, followed by another colleague left who had been like 10 years and 'ah siao' who can't take on the workload left with an unpleasant experience.

Initially, i thought i would most likely be transferred to another department to take on the same role but is more of clearing their pile of outstanding works. :S
But i really need to thank my boss for making such efforts to make me stay put within the department.

I really hated the thoughts of having unexpected changes in a comfortable environment. But well, if we stay put in a comfortable environment for too long, one tends to be lazy and won't be seeking for self improvment.

Just when i thought i gotta have a new life with my life partner, an unexpected event took place at home. His granny fell sick, in fact, pretty sick. She was hospitalised for like, oh my, near to 3 months?! I prayed for her full recovery which though she may not recovered fully from her operation and now having to go through the process of learning how to walk, strengthening her hand muscles daily is a chore for her. Seeing her going through such process pains us, but we have to keep encouraging her to go on, so as she can have the basic luxury of using her feet once again.

Just when i thought things were turing for better, my dad and i met an accident on fateful month in April. :( I got away with minor injuries but my poor dad suffered head injuries, near to a complete tear in his usage of shoulders muscles, some burned skin on his leg, poor memory and bad eyesight. I was discharged after a short observation stay in hospital but i had memorance of an cut on my ankle. On top of that, the bone was like protuding which cause some disturbances as occassionally, i had leg cramps.. Now i am waiting for my next appointment.

Time flies

Woah! It has been over 4 months since i last dropped a word in my blog. Well, quite alot of things happen for the past 4 months. Just a super quick recap...

In dec 07, i was as usual sick & still stuck in Philips. I went for interview at the workpl where Chris is working. They selected me & now i am here for around 2 months. Times zoom past real fast, man!

In Jan 08, it's a new year but this yr i didn't get to sit down & write my resolutions. Erm.. I should probably spend some good time to think what are my resolutions in 2008.... I started the year with several times of fever, on & off. Almost thought i kena dengue, but luckily, it wasn't.. :) I finally ended my "sufferings" of being too free in my 1.5 years of stay in Philips. After which, i immediately jumped into a new environment after my 3rd week of Jan. It was like never pause to enjoy the surroundings. It's just the 1st day of work & i already sensed the workings of devilsh functions. I kena complains & lotsa stabbing from my new colleague, whom she is going to be my buddy, the secretary.. Oh my! She asked Chris about my background, what was my previous job, etc...

Here comes CNY in Feb 08... I have succeed in overcoming the terrible moments that i had in my new place. So far, things are going slightly better. The new colleague asked me to join in CNY decoration. We ended up spending unnecessary $ on ugly accessories & ended up with a not so nice deco among 3 departments in the company. Just feel that the people like "heng ai mian zi". Was being assigned to do a division lunch gathering, luckily manager, boss & secretary came in to help me along. Again, was arrowed to learn to do minutes writing, which i thought
is secertary job. How come I kena? Bb told me to learn an extra skill is something beneficial to me, so I listen to him & kept quiet & to learn about minutes writing.

Will write more in the next page for March & latest happenings....

Living in a state of Hell

Lotsa things happen for the past few months. Been going through multiple job interviews, unable to get a job that is with normal working hours so as to be able to continue doing kofu. Been facing persecutions from FD ICs repeatly till i started to give way & just let all the rubbish sink into me without fighting against it anymore. Been wandering why this is happening to me repeatly & finally succumb to my emotions that i broke down. It has been so long since i last cried. I cant remember why my emotions just overflow that i just wont bother to control them at all. Now still in a trash bin status, wanna left myself outta state of hell but i just simply cant pull out right now because i am too tired.. I know is all excuses but can i just rest for a day or so.. I just want to rot & just "disappear" into the mudslide without being noticed. Can i do so?

It's almost end of August. Region & zone chief approach me last week. Again, i was being posted for my next mission. I know somehow i was being delayed for 4 months since i was being approached in April. But this time, the feeling was like i should be more or less ready to go. Because if i don't leave now, my members wont grow. My girls wont be able to have independent faith. But again, i truly be able to experience what it meant by V GD sharing on sansho shima that comes in good form. WD, Asst WD, MD & Chap WD all strongly agrees that i should not take up the role in the new chapter. WD has been calling me since last week, been sharing alot with her regarding who are the high possibilities of the new chapter chiefs are. Upon hearing that the new MD chapter is some1 whose life is so link with Sensei (this is what i feel) but in their mentality is that he's some1 who is so self driven, target oriented & chiong.. They refuse to move over strongly. It sounds so like a threat that if they are to move over as a whole district, they'll step down as members & to remain in the old chapter. Then if the district is to be led by Asst adults, they feel that it's not the right time.. haiZ~ I always remember that if we always say we are not ready, den when are we ready? Bcoz we r nvr ready, if we are to say we mus prepare ourselves to be ready. Last sat, chapter chiefs meet up with us. But in the end, the results are something that they didn't expect. It is like bad news really spread v fast. Ah wei called me 2 nights ago & was like asking liao.. hMmm.... Internal struggling has been going on for the 4th day. I know since the decision is oredi make not to like take up the role liao, den i shld not hv think so much rite now bcoz there's nth much tat i can do. Struggle to tell myself this is the best way out, though deep down i noe i am not convincing enough.... I have let Sensei down is bcoz tat i lack the courage to stand up.

July overview

Have stopped writing for almost 2 months... In overview, July is a month where lots of training took place. Have been learning alot especially towards the end of the month where we are to attend a all leaders YWD training course at HQ. I invited CY & P to this training course. Am glad that P enjoyed & get to learn something... When it comes to the study by V GD - Sandra, she almost doze off.. Hee.. She admitted herself. It was like the don't know how many times since i listen to this gosho but it never fails to deepen myself each time i get the chance to listen to senior leader sharing its significant... CY is still far from being trained.. She's playing with her fingers, hair, dozing off, yawning, not concentrating while chanting. I really need to train her up.. To build up her confidence, talking to people, especially people around her. She's so shy, so soft. But when we get to know her, she's a loud, some1 with lacking of self confident but is so in love with comics, drawing... =) Must reali grasp hold of her & make her grow faster.. hEE.. I hv insufficient time liao.. Another 2 years, i believe i'll be in WD. Remembering what Peifang shared with me, i must really cherish the hectic schedule that i have right nw as in WD, things will paced down & i may feel lost with the excess timing.

Simply so Sick of everything

Well, coming sat will be the last preparation mtg for FD R4R5 inter region xchange mtg at Jurong kaikan. So far, the responses are not that bad, but could have expected much more better attendance. I guess most probably is due to NDP training, 7777 training – SSA is celebrating 40th anniversary since it first started in 1967. How time flies…

Kinda breathless lately sometimes, been overly busy till I cant take it. I need a good break, a job where I can contribute more… Feeling so useless in here, feeling the tension between colleagues, dunno how come the cultural in here is so erm… living w/o politics & yet having politics at d same times.. Know what I mean, it’s just so confusing.. Hated people wit these kinda attitudes… Well, still prefer a more female oriented environment, who say working in a male dominated environment is good. It depends. For my case, I’ll still prefer female oriented environment.. So far, the females colleagues are nicer, much more nicer than the males 1s. Not so insensitive, gives more opinions… I guess this is the exception case I have get in touch with so far…

Now facing such a heavy job karma, present situation is not something that I’m looking forward to everyday. Next job, I really must chant for the good fortune to be able to stay for long & must be 1 that I am able to continue to contribute to kofu.

Been having lotsa backaches, waist aches… I think I really overstrain my back muscles. Looking fat/meaty doesn’t mean I have the strength or energy to carry heavy tv sets. It’s just to sick to continue that way.

Having funny team leader asking you the same question over & over again. How’s ur mom? I tink it has been like almost 2 weeks since she recovered from dengue but he just kip on asking.. u Noe what does IRRITATING comes from? Now I’ll tell u this is irritating, having ask me so many times of the same questions.

Next came another engineer who thinks he can go around ordering junior post like me to help him do his work. I just feel like tearing him apart at times when he can simply make our work slightly easier…

Also having a same age engineer, someone who is more superior than me.. HaiZ~ What exactly do I want I in my life?

Must resolve & base everything on faith 100% without doubt…

Spoiled by a mon afternoon, some sicko think that he is always right. Well, now I really get to understand what does this phrase meant “Silence is golden.” Next time, I am not going to share my views with him. I am not going to answer any of his questions unless he turns over and ask, if not, I choose to hold my words. I never see any guy with such kinda features, maybe that’s the reason why he didn’t manage to go through NS years like the normal Singaporean does. He will cover his nose or mouth if choice is not given to him to walk past the smokers. He will talk as if he is always 100% perfectly right. Couldn’t he use his brain for once in other aspects of areas aside studies? He really looks so ‘la ta’, meaning without shaving, having real short hair like those guys who are been forced to cut till that short to go for NS or reservice. Wander if he really does need to go through NS, will he be a different fella? Hated smokers, haha.. If he really does have the chance to be 1, he may most probably join them. Still at times don’t know why Singaporeans themselves are like running away from jobs which I believe they term “dirty”. Like nurses, services line – waitress, sales assistants. Now we have imported foreign talents from other countries. I wander how many of us started to feel threatened with our own people getting lesser & foreigners getting more…