It's almost end of August. Region & zone chief approach me last week. Again, i was being posted for my next mission. I know somehow i was being delayed for 4 months since i was being approached in April. But this time, the feeling was like i should be more or less ready to go. Because if i don't leave now, my members wont grow. My girls wont be able to have independent faith. But again, i truly be able to experience what it meant by V GD sharing on sansho shima that comes in good form. WD, Asst WD, MD & Chap WD all strongly agrees that i should not take up the role in the new chapter. WD has been calling me since last week, been sharing alot with her regarding who are the high possibilities of the new chapter chiefs are. Upon hearing that the new MD chapter is some1 whose life is so link with Sensei (this is what i feel) but in their mentality is that he's some1 who is so self driven, target oriented & chiong.. They refuse to move over strongly. It sounds so like a threat that if they are to move over as a whole district, they'll step down as members & to remain in the old chapter. Then if the district is to be led by Asst adults, they feel that it's not the right time.. haiZ~ I always remember that if we always say we are not ready, den when are we ready? Bcoz we r nvr ready, if we are to say we mus prepare ourselves to be ready. Last sat, chapter chiefs meet up with us. But in the end, the results are something that they didn't expect. It is like bad news really spread v fast. Ah wei called me 2 nights ago & was like asking liao.. hMmm.... Internal struggling has been going on for the 4th day. I know since the decision is oredi make not to like take up the role liao, den i shld not hv think so much rite now bcoz there's nth much tat i can do. Struggle to tell myself this is the best way out, though deep down i noe i am not convincing enough.... I have let Sensei down is bcoz tat i lack the courage to stand up.

July overview

Have stopped writing for almost 2 months... In overview, July is a month where lots of training took place. Have been learning alot especially towards the end of the month where we are to attend a all leaders YWD training course at HQ. I invited CY & P to this training course. Am glad that P enjoyed & get to learn something... When it comes to the study by V GD - Sandra, she almost doze off.. Hee.. She admitted herself. It was like the don't know how many times since i listen to this gosho but it never fails to deepen myself each time i get the chance to listen to senior leader sharing its significant... CY is still far from being trained.. She's playing with her fingers, hair, dozing off, yawning, not concentrating while chanting. I really need to train her up.. To build up her confidence, talking to people, especially people around her. She's so shy, so soft. But when we get to know her, she's a loud, some1 with lacking of self confident but is so in love with comics, drawing... =) Must reali grasp hold of her & make her grow faster.. hEE.. I hv insufficient time liao.. Another 2 years, i believe i'll be in WD. Remembering what Peifang shared with me, i must really cherish the hectic schedule that i have right nw as in WD, things will paced down & i may feel lost with the excess timing.