Living in a state of Hell

Lotsa things happen for the past few months. Been going through multiple job interviews, unable to get a job that is with normal working hours so as to be able to continue doing kofu. Been facing persecutions from FD ICs repeatly till i started to give way & just let all the rubbish sink into me without fighting against it anymore. Been wandering why this is happening to me repeatly & finally succumb to my emotions that i broke down. It has been so long since i last cried. I cant remember why my emotions just overflow that i just wont bother to control them at all. Now still in a trash bin status, wanna left myself outta state of hell but i just simply cant pull out right now because i am too tired.. I know is all excuses but can i just rest for a day or so.. I just want to rot & just "disappear" into the mudslide without being noticed. Can i do so?